The first voice on experiences of childlessness

Hadley, Robin ORCID: https://orcid.org/0000-0003-4254-7648 (2015) The first voice on experiences of childlessness. Men's Minds Matter Blog.

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Abstract

Like many, from an early age I assumed I would be a father and I saw my life trajectory as: job, marriage, and children. Only the last stage never happened. Many people think that childless people, either consciously or unconsciously, chose not to have children. Not only that but only women are childless and men aren’t bothered – after all they can be Dads at any age can’t they? I wanted to be a Dad but a constellation of circumstances means that I am not. A number of factors led to my childlessness: getting divorced at age 30; length of time between relationships; economics – interest rates at 13% in the early 1990’s; social skills; and age. What does it mean not being a father? Well, for me, it has meant different things at different times in my life. In my mid-20’s my then wife and I started trying for a family. I felt a duty to be a provider and was very concerned not only how I earn enough but also how I would be as a father. We divorced by the time I was thirty and it took me a while to find another partner because the kept the house and the housing market collapsed and interest rates went up. In my mid-30’s I was desperate to be a Dad and when my then partner said “I want to have your baby’ I felt I was ready to be a father. My previous concerns about finance and providing had been negated by my post divorce experience relationships and managing on a very tight budget. I also had the feeling that now was the right time were swept aside by a self-confidence that I could manage. It felt right. However, we split up soon afterwards.